The Day I Decided to Die—And What I Discovered Instead

Dedicated to everyone still wondering what it means to be truly present.

Image by Pixabay on Pexels

A few months shy of turning 17, I decided to take my life.
It was not a decision taken lightly.

I was convinced that life was no longer worth living,
and that this was the only dignified way forward.

At the time, I was living with my parents.
I planned to do it in the evening, when everyone was asleep.
The way I intended to do it was the kind you don’t come back from.

Given my clear decision and commitment, I dived in my last day.

What could I do while waiting for the evening?

Well, I was still a student, so first and foremost, I didn’t do my homework and studies. I had always been an excellent student, so this was unthinkable for me.

And I dropped all my obligations altogether.
I let go of all the family and societal 'do’s and don’ts.
None of that mattered now.
I didn’t care.
And why would I?
There was no tomorrow for me
(or so I thought).

For a first time in my life,
I didn’t do what was expected of me.
I had the day totally for myself.
And I mean really for myself… …