Chances are you're addicted. Most of us are.
The question is not whether we have addictions, but whether they control our lives.
24.1.24—Zurich, Switzerland
Most of us connect the term addiction with drug abuse and narcomania. However, the meaning is much wider, and it relates to much bigger personal and societal problems.
I wrote last time about the importance of stepping into our own power and previously about the significance of creating palates for life. Today, I write about addictions because they are one of the factors that stand on our way.
An addiction is a behavior we feel powerless to change. It also tempts us to lie about it, and to cover it up.
To bring us on the same page, I will use a few definitions by Anne Wilson Schaef from her two books “When Society Becomes an Addict” and “The Addictive Organization: Why We Overwork, Cover Up, Pick Up the Pieces, Please the Boss, and Perpetuate Sick Organizations”. Quotes are marked with a star.
"An addiction is any process over which we are powerless. It takes control of us, causing us to do and think things that are inconsistent with our personal values and leading us to become progressively more compulsive and obsessive. A sure sign of an addiction is the sudden need to deceive ourselves and others—to lie, deny, and cover up. An addiction is anything we feel tempted to lie about. An addiction is anything we are not willing to give up (we may not have to give it up and we must be willing to do so to be free of addiction)."*
“Substance addictions are ingestive; substances are taken into the body. All the mood-altering chemicals, some of which lead to increased physical dependence, are addictive substances. The most prevalent addictive substances are alcohol, drugs, caffeine, nicotine, salt, sugar, and food in general."* Out of them, food is the most difficult to deal with— unlike alcohol, drugs, caffeine, and nicotine where we can go for abstinence, we can not survive without food.
Process addictions are "a series of activities or interactions that “hook” a person, or on which a person becomes dependent. The common process addictions are work, sex, money, gambling, religion, relationships, and certain types of thinking.” * Today we know that this list includes also TV, movies (especially series), shopping, gaming, Smartphones, selfies, social media, the desire to be right or to win. Even jogging and other fitness activities, and spiritual practices can become an addiction.
We use addictions to numb ourselves when something is hard to feel/know. That keeps us neither dead, nor alive.
“The point is anything can be used addictively, whether it be a substance or a process. This is because the purpose or function of an addiction is to put a buffer between ourselves and our awareness or feelings. An addiction serves to numb us so that we are out of touch with what we know and what we feel. Moreover, we often get so taken up with the addiction... that we have no energy for or awareness of other aspects of our life.” *
Let’s repeat that…
Almost anything can become an addiction. Just like a herb taken in the right quantity can heal, and in the wrong quantity it can kill.
An addiction serves as a buffer between us and our awareness and feelings.
Why do we need a buffer?
Here is one possible answer of the Italian philosopher Thomas Aquinas from around 800 years ago:
"Man cannot live without joy; therefore, when he is deprived of true spiritual joys it is necessary that he become addicted to carnal pleasures."
To understand that, it’s important to differentiate between joy and pleasure:
Joy arises from within when we bring our full awareness to the experience of being here and being alive. It’s often a profound experience that is derived from meaningful relationships, interaction with Nature, or a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It is associated with a sense of well-being and contentment that comes from factors such as personal growth, meaningful connections, and a positive outlook on life. Joy comes from within.
Joy It is deeply fulfilling and energizing, and never addictive.
Pleasure on the other side is the enjoyment we experience from something external to us. It could be an ice cream, travel, a glass of wine, delicious food, going to the fitness, a new set of shoes, a new car, work, career, a cause, drugs… The list is endless, but what unites everything on it is that we depend on something external to experience pleasure. Over time, frequent indulgence in pleasurable activities may lead to tolerance, requiring more intense stimuli to achieve the same level of satisfaction. This leads to an addictive behavior driving us to seek out increasingly potent sources of pleasure.
Pleasures can become addictive and they can make us dependent.
Whatever our addictions and how innocent or not they feel, we use them to numb ourselves from the pain and spiritual disconnection we feel due to our separation from our true and whole self, each other, and the rest of Nature, as well as the consequent loss of meaning.
And if you still think none of this relates to you, keep in mind that any fixation on something as the only right or the best possible way forward is an addiction. Here are two of my most favorite examples:
“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.” —C. G. Jung
Yes, idealism can be an addiction too and I am personally an idealist in recovery. The problem with idealism is that it puts you in a position of superiority to other human beings because you act out of the belief that you know what the best way forward is without needing a dialogue with others.
Another favorite one is perfectionism:
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”— Brené Brown
Most of us have some form of addiction, but why?
With industrialization, and capitalism in general, we favored upward social mobility and urban living. As a result, a big portion of people were separated from their families, communities, and the rest of Nature. By idealizing science, we were separated from certain aspects of our spiritual nature and deprived of some of the sources of true joy and meaning, and we started looking for substitutes. Fast forward to today, the more connected we became through all forms of technologies, the more disconnected we have become and that fueled mental health, addictions and dependencies. Here is a bit more on that.
Disconnection from families and communities
We have been living in a world driven by upward social mobility. A consequence of that has been the gradual distancing from traditional family and community structures. As we have been striving for personal and professional success, geographic mobility and demanding careers, as well as a pinch of superiority, have lead to physical separation from our families and the wisdom of previous generations. The pursuit of opportunities, career advancement, and more pleasure lead to the fragmentation of society and loss of bonds which are of extreme importance for our overall health, wellbeing and prosperity. This was further accelerated with women embarking on careers and leaving kids’ upbringing to institutions.
As we navigate the landscape of progress and ambition, we’ve broken the family and community fabric that is essential for our individual and collective human experience.
Disconnection from each other
The consequences of increasing separation among individuals affect both personal relationships and societal dynamics. As technological advancements provide unprecedented connectivity, face-to-face interactions are often sacrificed and such increasing detachment leads to a breakdown in interpersonal relationships. The consequent social isolation and loneliness contribute to mental health issues. On a broader scale, societal cohesion, collaboration and cooperation weaken.
Hence, the consequences of separating from each other have serious consequences for the individual, but they also extend beyond and impact the fabric of society, as well as the potential for collective intelligence and wellbeing.
The role of the world of work
Around six years ago, I was provoked by the article of Harvard Business Review: “If You Want to Be Happy at Work, Have a Life Outside of It” and I wrote in my old blog. The conclusion of the article is that happiness at work boils down to two things: “(1) having a life outside of work, and (2) having the money to afford it. If you have a job that grants you both of these, you might be happier than you realize.” I was furious then but I am grateful today to the authors because their research demonstrates the very problem. The fact that people report being happier at work when they pursue a life outside of work does not really mean that this is what makes them happy at work. It merely means that they are unhappy at work that the only way to survive that is to make sure they make enough money to support a life outside of work.
Having a life outside of work, and money to afford it, is a recipe how to survive work, which fuels addictions and does not help us to thrive in life.
The role of industries
At the foundations of our economies are two believes: (1) the belief that there are limited resources and unlimited needs and wants. (It’s actually the opposite, but that’s a whole other article.), and (2) the expectation and goal of constant growth of both businesses and economies. That makes addictions very convenient, and there are multiple case studies how industries use addictive practices to fuel growth. In terms of examples, the food industry is competing for the lead with the pharmaceutical sector.
The Pharma Industry
I recently was having an informal talk with a doctor and he was very surprised I’ve never taken any psychostimulants, mood stabilizers, or antianxiety drugs. He kept asking, not even this? And not even that? His surprise was an indication of how popular such drugs have become. The reality is that they mask the problem but do not resolve it. Often, they are addictive themselves and with horrible side effects.
I may have not taken those, but I have paid my dues to the pharma industry with pain killers, as I have struggled with a migraine for good 40 years of my life. I can therefore say from first-hand experience that pain-killers worsen the very same problem they treat. That’s in addition to all the other damages they do.
Altogether, our bodies have the natural capacities to heal but it’s economically more convenient to fuel substance abuse and substance dependence instead.
The Food Industry
When it comes to the food industry, the situation is not much better. Actually, let me rephrase that—it’s much worse because we can live without taking drugs, but we cannot live without food. Hence, it’s even more important to recognize the many ways in which our senses get tricked by the skillful mix of ingredients and chemically exaggerated flavors to create taste sensations so appealing that we keep wanting more. To simplify an otherwise complex story, let’s focus on two things:
Natural and nutritional food provoke joy and energy when we eat it. Such food feels nice to see, taste, smell and touch. It does not come with sensations of guilt, shame, judgement, or fear. It also makes us full and never make us addicted.
Processed and lifeless food is highly addictive and we are most likely to overeat it. It often comes with a sense of loss of energy and a sense that it’s not enough. The latter is correct because it does not contain the nutritional value our bodies need.
Disconnection from the rest of Nature
The increasing separation from nature has given rise to a myriad of problems for all of us, encompassing both physical and psychological dimensions. In a world dominated by urbanization and technological advancements, people are experiencing a disconnection from the natural environment, leading to a number of health issues. Sedentary lifestyles, reduced exposure to sun and the earth, and limited physical activity, contribute to a rise in chronic conditions. The absence of regular contact with nature fosters a sense of alienation and has been linked to elevated stress levels, anxiety, and a decline in mental well-being.
The loss of connection to the natural world and its and our spiritual nature contributes to addictive and unhealthy lifestyles— and overall, a human crisis with enormous proportion.
The role of society as a whole
Addictions and Consumerism
“The society in which we live needs addictions, and its very essence fosters addictions. It fosters addictions because the best-adjusted person in the society is the person who is not dead and not alive, just numb, a zombie. When you are dead you are not able to do the work of the society. When you are fully alive, you are constantly saying no to many of the processes of the society: the racism, the polluted environment, the nuclear threat, the arms race, drinking unsafe water, and eating carcinogenic foods. Thus, it is in the interests of the society to promote those things that “take the edge off,” get us busy with our “fixes,” and keep us slightly “numbed out” and zombielike. Consequently, the society itself not only encourages addictions, it functions as an addict.”*
These extracts from Anne’s books reminded me of Frederic Beigbeder’s book “99 Francs”. It is broadly based on the life he was living as an advertising executive. (He got fired from his work in a large advertising firm soon after publishing the novel.) The novel highlights the deceptive tactics employed to manipulate consumers and make them want more and more, and never be satisfied. He also describes the emptiness that can result from a culture dominated by consumerism.
Addictions and Dependencies
While consumerism fuels economic growth, dependencies are at the core of the world of politics guaranteeing subordination. That’s something we can clearly see in the still unfolding story with Jeffrey Epstein. Acknowledging the role of these dependencies is critical for understanding how convenient addictions are for the forces that shape political landscapes.
Our current society fosters addictions because the most convenient worker, politician, and consumer is numb and dependent.
We go to work (which is supposed to be “not personal, just business”), and we make sure we have a life outside of work to balance it out. Since achieving happiness by that formula is not possible, we numb ourselves through our favorite addictions. Whether it is alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, sweets or other food, selfies, social media, shopping, bodybuilding, travel, workaholism, money-making, or some drugs, all of us have some forms of addiction. Even learning, health and spiritual practices can be addictive if we use them to disconnect from other important aspects of our lives.
The way out? — A Rat Park…
Rat Park was a series of studies into drug addiction conducted in the late 1970s and published between 1978 and 1981 by Canadian psychologist Bruce K. Alexander and his colleagues at Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, Canada. I heard it by Johann Hari on Ted. Here is how the story goes:
“Get a rat and put it in a cage and give it two water bottles. One is just water, and one is water laced with either heroin or cocaine. If you do that, the rat will almost always prefer the drugged water and almost always kill itself very quickly.
Bruce comes along in the ’70s and said, “Well, hang on a minute. We’re putting the rat in an empty cage. It’s got nothing to do. Let’s try this a little bit differently.”
So Bruce built Rat Park, and Rat Park is like heaven for rats. Everything your rat about town could want, it’s got in Rat Park. It’s got lovely food. It’s got loads of other rats to be friends with. It’s got loads of colored balls. And they’ve got both the water bottles. They’ve got the drugged water and the normal water. But here’s the fascinating thing. In Rat Park, they don’t like the drugged water. They hardly use any of it. None of them ever overdose. Addiction is largely an adaptation to your environment.”
We live in a hyper-consumerist, hyper-dependent, and hyper-isolated world which feels like the first cage— and we cannot bear it without getting our favorite fix.
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety—it’s connection…
When we live in a addictive Society, we work in addictive organizations, we consume addictive products, and we are seperated from each other and Nature, we become addicted.
in his Ted Talk elaborates on that: “our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things not people. If you are not a good consumer capitalist citizen, if you’re spending your time bonding with the people around you and not buying stuff—in fact, we are trained from a very young age to focus our hopes and our dreams and our ambitions on things we can buy and consume. And drug addiction is really a subset of that."So, the question is not whether we have addictions but what to do so that they don’t control our lives and we are the joyful, prosperous, and fufilled person we long to be.
Some of my work is focused on that. I am especially intrigued by the invisible aspects which keep us reliving parts of our lives we are not happy with, or worse- they give us pain. The reality is that we can’t Google ourselves out of addictions, chronic health conditions, chronic money problems, repetitive problems with relationships, and other chronic issues. They cannot be dealt with also by talking about them or through self-discipline.
If you are dealing with such reoccurring issues, contact me—I am forming groups to work on such persistent issues by bringing more of the invisible aspects into the visible.
Feel free also to leave your question in the comments below.
A 5-Step Roadmap to Reducing the Impact of Addictions on Our Lives
I am not saying it’s easy. I am not saying that it’s an instant fix.
I am saying that it’s a journey worth taking, and these steps are key:
1. Name your addictions and dependancies.
Unless we start naming our addictions and dependancies, we cannot understand the underlying reasons, hence, we have no chance of gaining control of our lives.
So, here we go… I go first:
I have been most of my life an workaholic— stil working on that.
I was addicted to caffeine; I am (almost) off it.
I was addicted to having a drink at night. Off it as well for a long time now.
I used to be a perfectionist, I am mostly off it now.
I used to be an idealist, now I consider myself to be in recovery.
I’ve had my whole life an unhealthy relationship with food- a long story…
I’ve spent 40 years treating a migraine with pain killers- a really long story…
Now it’s your turn.
2. Now, thank them.
Yes, thank them.
They have been there for you when you could not bear knowing or feeling something.
They served as a buffer allowing you to continue living when it was difficult.
They served you well, so tell them you are grateful.
Tell your addictions and dependancies that they have served you well, but you are ready to face whatever it was they were keeping you away from.
3. Deepen your awareness, remember who you are.
Start exploring without fear, judjement or blame:
What were those addictions keeping you away from?
What are the things you knew or felt that you could not admit even to yourself?
What were the aspects of your life that you could not bear?
What have been missing on in life?
Who would you be, and how would you live, without these addictions and dependancies?
4. Start reconnecting.
Reconnect to your body—what gives you energy and what takes it away.
Reconnect to friends, family; join like-hearted communities.
Reconnect to Nature— the Sun, the Earth, water, food.
Reconnect to the joy in your work, and other activities that feed your soul.
Reconnect to your spiritual nature and integrate it in your life.
To let go of addictions and dependancies, keep deepening your connection to yourself, others, the rest of Nature, and all other aspects of your life.
5. Bringing more of the invisible into the light.
Our lives are often influenced by things which escape our conscious awareness. Similar to hidden currents beneath the surface, these unseen factors affect our decisions, relationships, and perspectives. Recognizing these hidden forces encourages us to untangle the threads that bind us without our explicit consent. Systemic Constellations are a method which allows us to bring more of these hidden currents and entaglements into the open—let me know if you would like to know more about that.
By bringing entanglements into the light, we forge a path that aligns more closely with our authentic selves, and helps us let go of addictions and dependencies.