Where Do You Stand in the Dance of Life?
Exploring the Four States of Living Based on Levels of Human Consciousness
May 31, 2025 | Zurich, Switzerland
Ever since my very first article here on Substack, I have been talking about listening with our hearts, thinking on our feet, speaking truth to bullshit, and acting sacred, not scared.
But what does that really mean?
Judging by my younger self, I never thought that I am acting scared, I have always done my best to think things through, I thought that I am being an honest and kind person. Well, most of us think that and most of us are wrong.
Life is not a straight path and it is ever-unfolding, ever-deepening. At times we are entangled in fear and striving barely to survive. At others, we push forward believing to be in charge. And then, in rare moments, we surrender to life, and something greater moves through us.
How we dance with life is greatly dependent on our state of consciousness.
That however can be confusing again. What does that mean?
I personally have found it very useful to use one model which defines four states of living: To Me, By Me, Through Me, As Me. The model originates from a blend of spiritual teachings, consciousness studies, and personal development philosophies but its popularization is most often attributed to Michael Beckwith who presented the stages as a progression of consciousness. While Beckwith helped crystallize the language, the underlying concepts are considered to be deeply rooted in Ken Wilber's Integral Theory, mystical traditions and new philosophies exploring the evolution of consciousness.
As I dive into it, I am going to interpret them through my own understanding. It’s also important to keep in mind that this model isn’t a rigid doctrine but a fluid map.
The Four States of Consciousness
Life happens “To Me”
Victim and Instincts-driven (Victim Consciousness)
In that state of consciousness, we are dependent on our instincts. We feel surrounded by dangers coming from the outside, and that keeps us scared. We blame someone or something for everything that is happening to us. In this stage, we may become good at surviving, but that keeps us only partially alive, and we would never thrive.
Everything feels like a threat—circumstances, other people, even our own inner state. Our nervous system is on constant alert, interpreting life as a constant fight. We cling to familiar patterns, because change is a risk we believe we cannot afford. This state is primal, rooted in survival, and while it is a necessary part of our human experience, it is not meant to be our home. It is the beginning of a journey, not its destination.
Life Happens “By Me”
Ego Mentality (Manifestor Consciousness)
At this level, we believe that we are in control of our life, and we are convinced that everything happens because we make it happen. We are very ambitious and driven.
We also believe that we are scared of nothing, but in reality, we have just numbed ourselves and our ambitions for learning and career are driven by the belief that we are not enough as we are, we are not safe as we are, and we are not liked and loved.
In this stage, we act out of a sense of separation from our essence, the rest of humanity and Nature. As a result, success comes often at the cost of others or the rest of Nature. It’s a win-lose game.
We may call this empowerment, but often it is fear disguised as control and striving for power. The ego, seeking validation, accumulates titles, trophies, and never ending to-do lists. Yet beneath the surface, there’s a quiet ache—an emptiness that will never be soothed by success, shopping tours, experience-hunts and addictions. This stage often leads to burnouts and illnesses serving as a mirror showing us the limits of control. And it is often through the cracks in this illusion of power that the soul begins to whisper.
Life Happens “Through Me”
Soul-driven (Channel Consciousness)
At this state, we have trust in life and we are not afraid that our needs will not be met. We understand that life is bigger than us, we are surrounded by abundance, and we know that we are part of something larger.
We are driven by universal human values like love, integrity, intuition, inspiration, trust, connectedness, community, courage, compassion, collaboration, creativity. It’s a win-win game.
Here, we open to the deeper intelligence of life, to the mystery that breathes through us. There is less striving, more listening. We stop asking, “What can I get?” and begin to ask, “What wants to move through me? What is life asking of me?” This is a radical shift from effort to alignment, from force to flow.
We co-create with life rather than battle it. We open to synchronicities, intuitive knowing, the quiet rhythms of the natural world. We begin to sense that everything is interconnected, and with this awareness comes an even deeper sense of belonging.
Life Happens “As Me”
Unity (Non-dual) Consciousness
At this stage, life unfolds seamlessly, with an intrinsic understanding that "I" am inseparable from the fabric of existence. Love is the guiding force, propelling actions and interactions with an effortless grace. In this state, questions dissolve for there is an innate knowing that all is as it should be, and all is interconnected in the magic and vast tapestry of existence.
This is not an escape from reality, but a full arrival into it. Here, the boundaries between self and other dissolve. The tree, the wind, the ocean, the stranger’s smile, the beating heart inside our chest—they are all parts of the same great song. There is no need to “do” or “achieve” and life simply is, and we are it.
From this space, healing happens not by effort, but by remembrance. Action arises from stillness, and creation naturally flows as us. This is the sacred pulse of being, the field beyond right and wrong, beyond past and future, where we meet one another not as identities, but as living expressions of the whole.
A Dance, Not a Ladder
These stages are not to be studied or climbed. They a dance to be danced.
And just like dancing, it’s not about learning about it, it’s about being it.
These stages are also not a destination to reach. We spiral through them, again and again—sometimes scared, sometimes striving, sometimes surrendering, and each time, we grow softer and more attuned.
These stages are a path which starts with recognizing that we are scared. If you are like I was, thinking that you are never scared or that you are in control, this in an invitation to look deeper.
These stages are not a superiority contest but a call for acceptance of every stage. To move from scared to sacred is not to reject any part of the journey. The instinct, the ambition, the surrender, the oneness—they each have their place.
I call this the journey from scared to sacred- it’s the path of a soul remembering its essence. We begin to live not from fear, but from trust. Not from force, but from grace. Not from knowledge or smartness, but from intuition and wisdom.
Where do you find yourself in this dance today?
And what’s waiting for you next?
this is wrtten so succinctly. thankyou and it resonates, I became very proficient in the by me mode and it took me along time and a lot of work to reconise the thread of panic that fueled it. I work with defense archetypes loosely based on Wilhelm Reich's work and its very similar, and most importantly a dance as you said, we have to get over the desire to go through the stages and arriving at a destination….or perfecting lol.
being able to track and reconise what we are embodying does give the freedom to make different choices, to respond in unusual or new to us ways that create openings and exercises those through me and as me muscles.
Very insightful & beautifully written reflection..
Thank you 🙏